Relieved or Disappointed...I don't know which!

I don't know whether I am more relieved or disappointed that I will not be changing jobs at this point. I absolutely LOVE my job, even though some days are really hard, and I honestly can't imagine myself doing anything else; however, I struggle w/ working nights. It is hard on me and hard on our marriage, especially during football season and recruiting season. So Billy and I decided that after 3 years on nights it was time for me to start looking for a day position. I really want to continue taking care of kids, so I started my search by applying for school nurse positions. I knew that they didn't pay a lot, but the thought of having my summers off and having a schedule very similar to what Billy's is was very exciting, so I went ahead and applied. Long story short, I was talking to a friend at church this weekend and asked her what she had been offered when she applied for school nurse positions last year and when she told me how much, my heart sunk to the floor. There is no way that Billy and I can take that kind of pay cut. So, I will not even be interviewing for positions. I have to call both school districts in the morning and let them know to remove my application.

I am relieved, because the thought of leaving my job had become very overwhelming in the last week or so. I don't feel like I have finished everything here that I am supposed to, and what I once thought was just nerves about a new job has turned out to be a true lack of peace in my heart and mind about the decision to leave. Things have been really rough the last couple of months, but they are starting to look up and work has become a fun place to be again. I am disappointed though, because like I said, the idea of being off in the summer w/ Billy and have holidays and that kind of thing off was very exciting, and it's been sort of a let down to know that at this point that is something that isn't attainable. I think that Billy is more disappointed than I am about it all, mostly because he really doesn't like me working nights.

So it's back to the drawing board. Coach Carthel set up an interview for me for later this week, so we'll see how that goes. I'm not just real excited about it, because it's not really a job that I want to do. Is that being selfish? I understand why Billy doesn't want me to be working nights, but at the same time, I love my job, and have little to no desire to do anything else as far as work is concerned at this point in my life.

Speaking of work, I am at work and it's time to do 5 o'clock rounds, so I will end this here. I'll update later in the week about how Kodi is doing, how the interview goes, and Billy's proud papa moment this week.

It's Official....

I submitted my application to both Canyon and Amarillo ISD on Saturday for school nurse positions and mailed my transcripts, etc. today. Hopefully I'll hear something in the next couple of weeks. It's a big step and a big change that I'm not sure I'm ready for or really want, but one that I know is necessary. I'll keep y'all updated as to how things are going.

Kodi, Cook's, Granbury, work, and everything inbetween!!

I have got to get better at updating my blog and downloading pictures so that it doesn't take 3 hours every time!!!!! :)

I went to Dallas to visit Kodi and the rest of the Tutt gang a couple of weeks ago. While I was there we took multiple trips to the playrooms, up to the 4th floor to the aquariums to see the eel, wagon rides out to the playground to play, and had a toenail painting party amongst other things. It was SO good to be there and to be able to hug them all and just hang out and love on them. Kodi is doing well. She got to go home on Saturday after I left on Friday. She has embraced her baldness and now only wears her hats to protect her head, but not because she's trying to disguise her bald head. She was pretty much back to her old self when I left, and it was good to see Tracy and Tracy relax a little as the real Kodi appeared. Right now she is still at home hanging out. She goes in on Monday to have blood drawn to check her platelet level, and hopefully her level will be high enough that she can get chemo. She is already a week behind because her platelet count hasn't recovered from the first round of chemo yet.

Cook's is a great hospital and they took amazing care of Tracy J and Kodi while they were there, and I know that they will continue to do that. It makes me want to work in a bigger Children's Hospital and makes me sad for the things that we don't have for our kids. (like a playground)

When I went to see Kodi, I also got to stay not just one, but two nights with my friend Shanan and her family in Granbury. They opened up their home to me on Tuesday night and then again on Friday night. It was wonderful to just sit and talk. It was the first time I had really spent any time w/ Shanan's husband and I can't wait for Billy and I to go and hang out with them this summer because I know that we will have a blast. Their girls S and B crack me up!!!!! B came into the living room on Friday night and got me to come and do a concert with her. We then proceeded back to her bedroom where she gave me a stuffed guitar and told me that I was her band and then she turned on her CD player, stepped up to the mic and went to town. It was so much fun, and I hope that if we ever have little girls that they will be as big of fans of "jamming" as Shanan's girls are. (oh, and we definitely belted out Miley Cyrus the whole way home from Babe's that night...it was good times!)

On Tuesday, I also go to see my sweet friend Whitney, however, I am pretty sure that she thinks that I am a horrible influence on her children and I don't know that I will ever get invited back to her house! :) She has two adorable little girls M and K and they both have lots of personality and make me smile. It was good to get to hug Whitney's neck, even if I didn't get to stay long.

Work has been draining in every way, shape, fashion and form the last couple of weeks/months. We are short staffed, and just seem to keep getting shorter staffed so we've all been having to change our schedules around and adjust to make sure all the days are covered, so most days, I have no idea what day it is! We have had some rough cases come through the last couple of weeks that have been very emotionally draining for us. The little girl I am taking care of right now is absolutely precious. She was in a car wreck and lost her mom, her brother and her sister. I just want to hold her and love on her, but haven't been able to physically do that because of her injuries, so instead I've been doing "the little things" as her dad likes to call them. I have washed and french braided her hair, made sure that her head bands have been in place to cover where they had to shave part of her hair, painted her fingernails and toenails multiple different times, and spending lots of time just holding her hand. She has already lived a life much more difficult than any seven year old, let alone any seventy year old, should have to endure and now to lose the people she loves the most in her life. My heart just breaks for her family as they are struggling with how and when to tell her now that she is starting to be more awake. I want to be able to fix it, and I can't, so I'll continue to do "the little things", and hopefully they'll add up to a big thing in that her family will see the love of Jesus.

We had a house guest for a about a month and a half. It was nice because I knew that when I was at work at night, Billy didn't have to sit at home by himself. And we had lots of fun all hanging out together. We bought a new grill a couple of weeks ago, and have already more than gotten our money's worth out of it. We use it every day at least once a day if not more. We also got a fire pit and some patio chairs so that we can actually sit outside and enjoy the evenings. (The fire pit also has come in handy for disposing of our shred pile!!!)

Not a whole lot else going on around here. I head to Dallas again next week to hang out with the Tutt's and to spend some much needed girl time with Whitney and Shanan. I'm at work right now so I can't add pictures to this post, but once I get up this afternoon I will upload all the pictures that go with this post so that you'll have something to look at instead of just my rambling!!!