Relieved or Disappointed...I don't know which!

I don't know whether I am more relieved or disappointed that I will not be changing jobs at this point. I absolutely LOVE my job, even though some days are really hard, and I honestly can't imagine myself doing anything else; however, I struggle w/ working nights. It is hard on me and hard on our marriage, especially during football season and recruiting season. So Billy and I decided that after 3 years on nights it was time for me to start looking for a day position. I really want to continue taking care of kids, so I started my search by applying for school nurse positions. I knew that they didn't pay a lot, but the thought of having my summers off and having a schedule very similar to what Billy's is was very exciting, so I went ahead and applied. Long story short, I was talking to a friend at church this weekend and asked her what she had been offered when she applied for school nurse positions last year and when she told me how much, my heart sunk to the floor. There is no way that Billy and I can take that kind of pay cut. So, I will not even be interviewing for positions. I have to call both school districts in the morning and let them know to remove my application.

I am relieved, because the thought of leaving my job had become very overwhelming in the last week or so. I don't feel like I have finished everything here that I am supposed to, and what I once thought was just nerves about a new job has turned out to be a true lack of peace in my heart and mind about the decision to leave. Things have been really rough the last couple of months, but they are starting to look up and work has become a fun place to be again. I am disappointed though, because like I said, the idea of being off in the summer w/ Billy and have holidays and that kind of thing off was very exciting, and it's been sort of a let down to know that at this point that is something that isn't attainable. I think that Billy is more disappointed than I am about it all, mostly because he really doesn't like me working nights.

So it's back to the drawing board. Coach Carthel set up an interview for me for later this week, so we'll see how that goes. I'm not just real excited about it, because it's not really a job that I want to do. Is that being selfish? I understand why Billy doesn't want me to be working nights, but at the same time, I love my job, and have little to no desire to do anything else as far as work is concerned at this point in my life.

Speaking of work, I am at work and it's time to do 5 o'clock rounds, so I will end this here. I'll update later in the week about how Kodi is doing, how the interview goes, and Billy's proud papa moment this week.