Blessed

I love my job. Although it is not always easy, I can truly say I love my job. I love that I have the privilege of praying for countless families every single week as I take care of and love their children like they are my own. In nursing school they teach you that there has to be a line between you and your patients and that that line cannot be crossed at any point. "Don't get attached" they say...sorry folks, I think especially when you are taking care of kids, you can't help but get attached, and personally, I think I am a better nurse for it.

Last night I got to take care of one of my favorite patients...when we first started taking care of him I would have NEVER in a million years thought he would turn out to be one of my favorites. When we first started taking care of him, he was a smart mouthed, sarcastic 16 year old who had more than enough attitude to go around. I immediately started praying for he and his family, b/c I knew that they had a long hard road ahead of them. (Like I said, I pray for all my patients, but I pray especially hard for our cancer patients as they all have such a hard road ahead, and their diagnosis is always such a shocking and painful diagnosis for their parents.) He has cancer, a rare type, and it's a fairly aggressive type. Thankfully he is doing amazingly well both physically and mentally I think. I'm pretty sure we've gotten him addicted to Ambien, but that's nothing in the long run! S has had a total attitude adjustment since we first started treatment. It happened about 2 mo. ago and I don't know what triggered it, but I'm going to figure it out b/c I think it's made all the difference in how well S has done w/ things. Yeah, he's still that same sarcastic, smart mouthed teenager, but one who has a great sense of humor, can play the drums like nobody's business, and who, the more he lets us in, the more we are seeing that he is truly just a big teddy bear. For his make-a-wish, he got a SWEET laptop that has a program on it called Finale. For you non-musically inclined folks, that is an AMAZING composing program. He and I were talking about his computer last night and I told him I was just a tad jealous that he had Finale b/c I have always wanted it. I got to use it when I was in college and fell in love w/ it. (I was a Music Therapy major for a year and a half before I changed my major to nursing). He told me I could just go buy it since it was only $400 and I was in shock b/c it was like $3500 when I was in school. And then he said, "or you could just get cancer and then you could get it for free!!!" I told him I thought I would just stick w/ saving up my money. It was a HUGE relief to me to hear S joke about having cancer b/c for so many teenagers...boys especially...they simply live in denial and don't cope period. I think that that is the road S chose for awhile and now he has made the turn. I cried all the way home this morning, it was worse b/c I was exhausted, but b/c while S has started to cope and is doing amazing, his parents are not. His mom just had a baby, and while I totally understand that that has to be her focus for awhile, she can't forget her other kid either who spent all night puking his guts up b/c of his "kool-aid" cocktail, as he likes to call his chemo b/c it's bright red!

Work has been a little rough here lately, just as far as my fellow employees go. There are a lot of them that are not happy in their home lives and that shows up in their attitude when they come to work. I've been struggling w/ why do I keep working in a place where, I love what I do, but for the most part and fairly miserable while doing it (if that makes any sense at all...). Last night was confirmation of why I do what I do. It's so that kids like S have a second chance at life and have a chance to go and make something of themselves and make an impact on the world. And like my title says...I am truly blessed to be able to work where I work and have the opportunity to do the job that I do.